You shared cliff notes, pizza and leggings. Of course she should be your bridesmaid. Or should she.
Planning your wedding is both fun and stressful. For the most part, if you can keep your wits about you, it can be the best. But along with the good, comes a little bad. Naturally the planning will include a substantial dose of stress and that’s to be expected. But a bad bridesmaid, can take that stress to a whole new level. And it can certainly take the joy out of what otherwise could be a lot of fun for you.
When your bridesmaid takes some of the enjoyment from the wedding planning process it might be time to say goodbye.
It's certainly is understandable that your gal pal may be busy with her career, relationships and hobbies. After all, she's entitled to a life of her own. But if a bridesmaid shows little to no interest and has nothing but negative things to say about her role in the wedding, then perhaps it's a good idea to relieve her of her duties. Debbie Downers are difficult to be around and her bad attitude might not just affect you but also the rest of your clan. On the other hand, I do think it's important to first have a conversation with her to find out what might really be going on. Perhaps it's just a matter of finances, or time management, or even possibly jealousy that is too difficult for her to swallow. You asked her to be your bridesmaid for a reason. She deserves for you to find out the reason that she seem so negative. If it's something the two of you just can't get past, do the both of you a favor and let her go.
Tips for breaking up with a bad bridesmaid.
Be respectful and empathetic when letting your bridesmaid go. Remember that rejection is never easy, even if it's your bridesmaid that wants out. She may have reasons that she can't talk about and if you consider yourself friends (and you must feel that way if you invited her to be your bridesmaid in the first place) then be kind and gentle when doing so. Even if she communicates her reasons, you may really not know what she isn't saying, or what might have caused her to behave this way. No matter what the circumstances, as your friend, she deserves the benefit of the doubt.
If your bridesmaid seems receptive to the idea, consider finding a new role for her. Broach the subject of having her take on different tasks and see how she feels about it. If she still shows signs of negativity or you suspect she is uncomfortable with the idea, let her know that it was just a suggestion that she could consider or reject. Let her know that she is not obligated to do so and you would only want her to take on that role should that make her happy.
It's a good idea to prepare for the worst. It's altogether possible that the conversation won't go well. Whether it's because you are not comfortable with asking her to step down as bridesmaid or she is the one who is uncomfortable with being asked to do so, it's very likely that one or both of you will left feeling bruised. Just know that it's a difficult and unpleasant conversation to have, and do your best to maintain a level of compassion and respect at all times. Hopefully she will be able to do the same. But if you gave it your all, and the result is still not good, then just be OK with the fact that you did the best that you could under difficult circumstances.